The Boobs (or, Man's Curse During Pregnancy)

One of the first things I discovered shortly after learning I was pregnant was that it was going to be an extremely difficult secret to keep for long. Jamie and I had decided to wait until I was “out of the danger zone,” as it’s so sensitively referred to, before going public. That meant asking our close family and friends to keep it on the DL for about 9 more weeks. So basically, the second we told Jamie’s family, everyone on that side knew. It’s like telepathy with them. I doubt they even bother calling each other any more. To use an archaic reference, they’re sort of like the Borg. You tell one, you tell the collective. No offense taken or intended.

It didn’t matter anyway; I just had to push up telling the rest of my extended family. We’re to the point of telling more friends as well. That’s just how we roll.

But there’s always someone who will get offended you didn’t tell them sooner, no matter how much you wanted to tell them and just didn’t feel ready, no matter that it’s your baby and you have a right to tell or not tell anyone you wish, no matter if you’ve never really met them your entire life. Chances are, you’ll offend someone. I eventually got over it. Besides, unless they’re the ones who will answer the 3am “I’m hungry, give me boob,” wakeup call, they can deal with their disappointment.

Speaking of boobs… So in the book of Genesis, Eve (and every woman after her) gets cursed with painful childbearing for eating the forbidden fruit. But did you know that Adam (and every man after that) was also cursed during this season? Boobs become the forbidden fruit themselves--they’re huge, beautiful, you want to touch them… But touch them, even just a little, and DIE. (this imagery is courtesy of Nicole’s friend’s husband regarding his wife’s forbidden fruit during her pregnancy, so you know it’s true. And I’m sure my husband can attest to it as well.)

Next on Baby Fat:

The Monopoly of Maternity Clothes.